Habitual Conversation

New Art Work

2007-01-25T01:21:00.000-06:00

LA has dived right into more painting this year! This is from late Dec/early Jan. (And available for purchase)

Don't forget her show at Java Buddha on Fri, Jan 26 from 7-10.

1st Show for the New Year

2007-01-08T23:18:00.000-06:00

I had a great show at Shuga's near downtown Colorado Springs!

Its a great little restaurant/coffee shop/bar everyone should check out!

The next scheduled show is the 22nd (I'm trying for the 15th as well)

I am also playing at Java Buddha later this month.

WE'RE HOME

2006-12-13T21:45:00.000-06:00

After nearly a year traveling on our own and with Nielsen, LauraAnne and I have finally found Home!

We were scheduled to close on a fixer-upper last Fri, but financing fell through due to some zoning and appraisal issues. Fri morning we had a moving truck parked in a hotel parking lot in Denver full of our worldly possessions, so Fri night we were homeless! Our realtor invited us to stay at her place on the north end of CO Springs after we looked around for a house we could A) afford B) move into. We drove by a tri-level loft style in the historic district of Colorado Springs and met the owner/builder outside. He was gracious enough to let us move in Saturday night without closing on it!

We are now nearly settled...the fridge arrived today and we'll dig a washer/dryer out of the seller's storage this week. We've got Nielsen work here till the end of the year. We'll work on that and set up our online bookstore on Amazon.com and maybe Abebooks. We'll get/create part-time jobs until the online books are self-sufficient.

The place is great and suits us well...the bottom is a 3 car tandem garage where we can store thousands of books. The second floor has the kitchen, family room, fireplace, extra bedroom, bathrooom, w/d hookup, balcony. The third floor has the living room, office, bathroom, and our bedroom.

We've been working from the middle-up, so the attached photos are the kitchen/family room and extra bedroom. The garage is currently used as the owner's storage--can't complain since we still havent closed on it.

Any time anyone's in the area, please come visit and stay as long as you like! We'd love to have you. You can sip coffee on the balcony and watch the sun light up Pike's Peak, walk to Starbucks, take a short (1 mile) drive or walk to Garden of the Gods, or go to Old Colorado City, the historic district.

We're very excited and very blessed. We couldnt believe Friday morning when we were homeless that God could have something better for us, but He sure did!

Nevermore

2006-10-30T10:26:00.000-06:00

Jason and I went to a costume party last night and we won the contest for best costume!! :) here are some pictures of the fun. See if you can guess who we are!! Everyone have a safe and Happy Halloween!!

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quant and curious volume of forgotten lore......

Did you guess Edgar Allan Poe and the Raven!? If you did you're right!!

hello again

2006-10-16T16:38:00.000-05:00

It has been awhile. Now in North Carolina I sit and decide to write. Minneapolis was good, lots of work and some fun too. Fall is here, I love the smells. Things are in the Midst of change. Looking for a house and somewhere to settle down, Jason and I are examining many new developments. The day is long and rainy, I accomplish a little. Should be home in another week. Home for the time being is Tulsa incase you were wondering. I desire to write all day now, but can't always manage. Goodness is abundant. I promise. It was hard for me to believe too, keep looking. Find your worth in your being, and never sell it.
Love till later,
LauraAnne

I breath and breath again, what faint glow is this that renders your face, aged? Kissed by a corpse, blush a thousand shades of red.
mirror an image unspoken making all that is reached to become morbid. Faint and faint again I am sorry. Im supposed to be. Oh why, look straight ahead....face me, face to face
Black cigarette, White limousine
Black cigarette, White limousine
dissipate the pages I have read
calling like you haven't heard. The latest is Im breaking down. Found by light that makes you dread what this might say for me instead
Honing in, fight the rest, this temptation makes for fragility
Black cigarette, white limousine
Black cigarette, white limousine
These black foot prints in the sand place me at the scene of
the crime is that you dont care

2006-08-10T09:28:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just cover my head and hide. Like maybe I’m just a chair with a sweater thrown over it, like maybe no one will notice me. I can hold my breath and sit very, very still. I know I can; I’ve pulled it off before. In doing this I can blissfully convince myself that I am not real, I am merely an inanimate object. I am free to serve a useful purpose, or otherwise collect dust. A chair is bound to simply be a chair. It is not expected to dance or perform a skit, although sometimes it is used in skits. Still, even in a skit or, say a child’s imagination, a chair needs only play the role of a chair, and let life play its role. In the same respect consider a picture, created by someone, hanging on the wall; it is what it is, nothing more nothing less. Sure others can interpret and decipher but ultimately no one will walk by the work and say “Picture, bark like a dog!! I demand you bark like a dog!” It was created for a purpose and it serves its purpose. It doesn’t dream of being a car, or a bus, or a cloud (though these things could be in it) it is most assuredly content to hang as a picture, or even be stored in a dark closet, no matter where, still a picture. It will speak its message and go where destiny places it—this makes its audience a mere chance.

So, say I was a picture. Say I was a painting of a women, sitting on the side of the road selling news papers. She is examining her hands, they are tired and rough, spent with ink stains and flakes of dry skin rubbed by paper. Her expression shows disappointment in what she sees, yet a certain determination to keep going (because she has no choice?). As this picture, first and foremost I would say to the world, “I am what I am. This is me. Take it or leave it.” I would not worry about altering my appearance to suite a certain passer by. If someone turned up their noise to say, “I think it’s drab, positively amateur. Who is that ugly woman?” I would not have to defend myself, yet I would not have to describe myself either. Too much description would be bound to cloud my message. I would simply stay unalterably me. No fuss, no worry, just me, unashamed. The only message I would speak was the one message I was created to speak. I would tell the story of the newspaper woman, of her triumph and struggle. Some might even explain I symbolize the degradation of the working class. That’s just fine; it is my job only to be me. I do not control other’s interpretations. And let’s say the painting hanging across from me is of a dog, held on its leash by its owner, whose face does not appear in the painting. Its job, although logistically the same: hang, look like a picture, things like that, would creatively and comprehensively be different than mine. We would never look at each other, turning green with envy. We would not fight and mistrust. Doesn’t it make since that we would accept the other one’s position, knowing full well that we each had jobs to do, that if we did our jobs the rest was out of our control?

The pictures, the furniture, the dishes stacked neatly in my cupboard, they do not wage war with each other; although their accountability be different, their basic co-existence remains the same. Only external forces beyond control alter their destiny, their lives.

This personification is only the rantings of a mad or maybe just a silly woman, for alas I am not a piece of wall art and this flesh, this body is where I find myself bound to. I just want to be. I want being to be enough. I don’t want to war, to battle. It’s not just the battlefield, a war so far away that I comment on during an evening meal at the supper table. It is this battle that exists when I walk down the street, when everything is trying to beat everything else. Who is better? What makes them better? Is it ever enough? I just want to do my job. I want to shine in my message. I don’t want to have to alter it for you or anyone else. And if there is war, let it be against evil, for something that matters in the end.

The woman in the painting was sighing at the sight of her hands, what years of toil had gotten her. She sat nearly defeated at the side of the road while fancy cars and important people drove right past her. Her life was a story unbeknownst to them. What was that gleam of determination, I still am not sure I know. Surely it was hope, hope that she could still leave it all behind, that at the end of the day there was a place where none of it mattered. This place, a haven, where she can sit down and play the piano maybe, singing with a strong voice, a woman with something to say, a message to share. Is that her purpose? Why can’t that be enough?

Yes, I will sit here a while longer, this coat pulled over my head, in this chair that holds so simple and sturdy. But, then I will get up and I will write and talk about it all. My story will be my purpose. I will make it be enough. It has to be enough. God damn it if its not.

2006-07-24T22:49:00.000-05:00

back in Tulsa and happy for the rest. Stopped through Portland on our way home and enjoyed some sites of the city. Drove through Yellowstone yet again and saw another grizzly bear. there was also a buffalo jam on the road for about 20 minutes. It was a mess, but kinda funny. they all just kept crossing the road paying no mind to the cars.

we got officially unpacked and enjoyed a weekend of catching up with family. Jason has got a little work here in Tulsa, and we are flying to Miami sometime next week. we will be gone a couple weeks and are looking forward to some time in Key West! then its back to Tulsa for a week or so and then off to Minneapolis. we will be there around four weeks.

tentatively we are hoping to settle down after Minn. and at this moment are thinking about Colorado Springs. the west was beautiful but at the end of the day was just so far away from friends and family. being that nothing powerful was drawing us there we considered many options. Colorado has really been sticking with us, and also my sister and her husband are hoping for a move to Colorado themselves. we are open to anything so we shall see how it all shakes out. so that is basically the catch up.

my dad is readying himself for his third trip to Vietnam at the end of the week. please remember to keep him in your prayers. we are very proud of him and excited for all that he is experiencing over there. i guess thats all for now. im sorda still on recharge. i was so lucky to get a Kidney infection on our way home but am feeling much better though still resting alot. hope everyone is well. love till later, lauraanne

"I find I am bizarre. I like it more each day."

2006-07-12T22:13:00.000-05:00

Well here I sit in Seattle Washington. The weather cool, cloudy, and rainy. As I suspected I thrive in this weather. So moody and romantic, so me. Our friends Kim and Daniel came and it was a wonderful visit, and much needed company. It was a joy to get to know them better. Looking forward to drinks in Tulsa guys! We are finally wrapping up work here and I had a pretty laid back day. Seems things have been moving at the speed of light, a speed I prefer to be left to those with time traveling abilities. Still, I have been forced to deal and grow. Never a bad thing. Had some time to read today. Went by the book store and picked up some new titles and a puzzle. I've been reading through the Harry Potter series lately and have found them to be delightfully addictive, uplifting and imaginative. Still working through a few other paperbacks, and there is a long list of more building, just waiting to be read. Haven't played my guitar in awhile, sometimes you just step back for no reason, or a reason unknown. I have enjoyed writing more these days and look forward to pursuing it increasingly so in the future. I love dabbling in my hobbies. A little here, a little there. That is when I feel most like myself. When I am writing, or reading, or painting, or singing, movie watching, people watching, loving on my Jason and playing with my animals. Even just doing dishes, or lighting candles around the hotel with a fire in the fire place; warm cookies in the oven. I love mood and sentiment, and lyric, and song. Well anyhow, for whatever that was worth, it felt right to say. I will leave you with some pictures from Seattle and my newest super short story.
Love till later,
LauraAnne

Pacing Still

So little time she finds, feeling wrecked and worn. Time, only a memory now. What little hope she holds onto, tucked away safely. Given to drudgery, a sigh is realized. Abigale waits, listens and stands as still as the water frozen on a lake. Never recalling the moment the solitude sets in. A cold chill on her neck, she flashes her eyes; focused now on the moving object behind the curtains. Too late tonight to know better, she lifts her hand slowly. First to the curtain, then quickly she draws back placing her hand to her lips. She bites her fingernail, her breath slow and deliberate. Someone is there, struggling, making rather a scene even at this hour. But like a trance she watches. Twisted in the curtains Abigale sees Him now. Wide eyed and crazy. The man advancing toward her. Interrupting her solace she is flustered. He smells of garbage sticky and filthy with cheap liquor reeking from the site. Doubting he knows where he is she speaks, "Duvall Library sir," her voice piercing the stale air, a wave of noise rippling the silence. "This is a library." His laugh rings wickedly as he places a quick hand on her own. Abigale jerks away and stumbles. Walking quikly now toward the exit she becomes aware of the stain. Five dark finger prints, dirt mixed with God knows what, smudged on her hand. She makes her way home in the dark, now back in her flat musty and frail. Never cleaning the soot, Abigale simply crawls into bed and sleeps. Listening to the cold, she imagines its raining and the water is washing her away.

Move, only when the distance is forward.

2006-06-26T00:37:00.000-05:00

Sometimes its hard to be so far away from what you know. In a strange place, a musty hotel room. No place to hide when you just feel like a home body. Jason has been soo good to make my last few posts, putting pictures up for everyone. It seems I have been in a bit of a funk.

Moments arise when time is needed to work things out, mull things over. The road, this life is a strange lover. She takes you so high with promises to see everything that sparkles and experience the life that aludes in dreams. Then, she drags you down in the mud where loneliness is your only companion and the strange your accomodation. Never the same, always something new. Some days the work as much work can do has you crazy seeing circles. Never ending circles where you are trapped like a mouse. Other days you hardly notice the time fly by, then its off to some site some inviting world. All that you once knew holds very little ground. The regular life that filled you, seems only a dream, a very distant memory.

Suck it up, move on, savor, live! Cry, sadden, gasp, mourn! What goes up all to often must come down. Such is life? So I get some fresh flowers, move the hotel furniture around, and buy some candles. Atleast it smells good now, and a fresh look on things always helps. Strange people, some nice, altough I know not who they are. Others, distant and short. Snubbed because maybe Im not earthy enough, or maybe I just don't look like I like gay people. Then again I could be a supporter of "you know who"....president Bush that is. Oh but who has the time to tell. We're all too busy being artsy and cynical. One must wear enough black you know. We are all mourning the loss of our childhood, or our freedom, or our destiny, or something like that. Maybe everyones just pissed that wal-mart still hasn't been brought down.

Hey you with the black hair and eyes and stockings, is your heart dark too? I usually wear lighter colors like pink or green, white even. Have you ever seen anyone die? I mean you love death and dark and real, not fake? My heart is dark, I saw her take her last breath on that bed. It took awhile, but she let go.

Far away now from this deranged world you dissect and quote and protest. Her grave a place I care not to go. So liberal and so open, yet so squandered on the useless and segregated. Because your cause chimes like the valley girl who walks with her cash on her shoulder. The same game. Please be real, so real. Protest only if you can evoke change. Speak only when your words will move. Move only when the distance is forward.

I am by nature evil, sick, lustful and damned. But out of this comes a man the God who defies these laws, the laws of the good, the laws of the man, He creates a new standard. A standard that will not be dissected to understand. One that you will never illuminate or mutilate. One that your self rightiousness and your rebellion will never defy. It shatters the walls of government and crumbles the waves of torture. He is not who you think you know, He is not your white rich neighbor or your stone cold reject, He is both, He is love, He is undeniable. I can't fathom it and I am poor, humiliated by my flaws. You think you know them, that they would be small, but I dare not tell you how high they climb. I run from one city to the next leaving them behind.

Surely here I will not be human. But I am found. I will not hate one or the other. If I hate it should be myself. But this is useless in the end. Punishment and loathing, success and bliss. I need only live, and live I must. For this day, maybe this day the last.

So if I may, I speak live for something, live for nothing, die, kill yourself, kill others, but you will still exist, and existance is what makes you real.. Engraved on permanant stone. Your name forever written. I may not know my true name, but it will surely be born.

Link of the Day

2006-06-25T19:41:00.000-05:00

Here is a link to our white water rafting photos taken on the Snake River just outside of Jackson, WY. Our guide was really cool, and the water was really cold. It was a Class II-III river, very broad and not too technical. Not nearly the Ocoee that Jason guided on in TN, but a great first trip. He tried to copy/paste/save the photos, but I guess they've thought of that, so we have to buy them to keep them. Enjoy!

Photo of the Day

2006-06-24T11:23:00.000-05:00

The most notable thing about this photo is not the view of Phelps Lake from Inspiration Point, Jason's new Metallica shirt, the dead tree in the background, or really anything in the photo itself. It's who's taking the photo that matters: Mr. Bill Paxton, of Twister, Big Love, and (Jason's fav Aliens). We passed he and his family while hiking, and he offered to take a photo of us. Our random brush with fame, miles away from where you'd think celebrities would hang out. He was very nice, very dry just like his characters he plays. Jason somehow choreographed this to happen on my birthday. What a guy!

Photo of the day

2006-06-21T01:20:00.000-05:00

ABOVE: This chimpmunk knew what he was doing! He hung out at Inspiration Point and waited....now, we were never ones to feed the wildlife, so Laura put her bag of Teddy Grahams in the pack to snap a few photos. When she came back, this little guy was in our backpack and knocked the open bag of said Grahams onto the ground, where he could go grab one, eat it, and run back for more. And he knew he could get away with it by A) being so cute B) posing for pictures above Phelps Lake. Cute, furry monster.

Photos of the Day

2006-06-19T01:16:00.000-05:00

ABOVE: Kayaking on Lake Jackson out to Elk Island. Note the dark clouds on the Tetons. Wouldn't you know it, but right when we got onshore, a boat from the marina had to pick us up due to stormy conditions of 60mph winds and hail. We returned the following day and paddled to the island, got eaten by mosquitoes, then paddled back to the marina.

BELOW: Old Faithful erupts. We were in the park long enough to see it erupt 2x, the second being better than the first. Too many people in Yellowstone and, aside from geysers and springs, not much to see. We recommend the Tetons.

Always Surprise Yourself

2006-06-13T23:43:00.000-05:00

Here I am having a beer listening to live music in the Jackson lake lounge. Just watched the sun set over the Grand Tetons. It is breath taking to say the least. We have been in Yellowstone/Tetons for a couple days and are enjoying our stay. Work in Florida was long and hard, and the four day drive across the country was not much easier! But, it is all worth it to be here. Anyway, I love a good challenge. I have had this unsettled feeling all week due to the fact that I have not been able to write. Things have been non stop on the road, and in interest of making good time we have been averaging 12-10 hours each day.
Ahhh so here I am finally writing. Therapy. Jason had his 27th birthday yesterday and we had a very yummy steak dinner sitting in view of the mountains. Tomorrow is my 22nd and I still can't believe I am here. Pinch me. After a day of geyser exploring, including Old Faithful, and some creek play with the dogs, we did some write ups for work and are just enjoying the evening.
Watched a storm role in over the mountains. I am in love. Tomorrow will come early. 6AM Kayak trip on the lake to the island!! Hope we don't get Lost!! That was for all you Lost fans. Then some hikes, one to Inspiration Point. Hopefully I will come away inspired....how could I not in this place. Thursday will be our white water rafting day, and Friday we will tackle an amazing 11 mile hike. Ahhh the great outdoors. Well I just wanted to catch up with all of this. I hate going too long without writing it all down ya know?

What height, I feel so small. What depth, I am but shallow. Power to singe and burn. I am cold and long to be warm. Soften me light and storm. Awaken me river. Sing of the creation I am silent about.

Love till later,
LauraAnne

"Not all who wander are lost."

2006-06-03T21:37:00.000-05:00

Well we're back on the road. This week in Tamp marks my official plunge into the Nielsen survey world. Everything is pretty good, just busy. We will wrap up work here on the 8th and begin our cross country jaunt to Seattle! We can't wait to get there but will enjoy the drive and may stop off in Yellowstone Park for our birthdays on the 12th and 14th. Always learning and growing in more ways than I ever thought possible. Moving, changing, life is full of adventure.
Love till later,
LauraAnne

The begining of something

2006-05-16T09:47:00.000-05:00

Some days I know what I want, some days I don’t. I keep imagining the time when I will turn around, look in the mirror and see the truth in me. I will then breathe a sigh of relief that finally I have found my way, and am quite comfortable with what I hold and what breaths life into me. Scraping through the mire tends to make me loose sight sometimes. I forget that I am in fact on my way somewhere. Where, I do not know. Light flows in through the window and I am faced with morning. Always morning, constantly asking my name, wondering what will I do today? It is then that I plant my feet somewhat firmly on the ground and forge ahead. Although at times I find myself lost in a moment of words and dreams; I wish I could freeze indefinitely. Still, I know my bravery to face reality and emerge from my page, will surely provoke more imagination and color for my plight. Am I brave though? I think sometimes no, because I choose what might be easier, that being the background of a pen or keys instead of a stage. I don’t mind my words being read or spoken in an unheard voice, a voice I know nothing of. But to perform them over and over again causes me to doubt what I mean when I say them. But I get off track. See, it takes me only a minute to be lost in these quirks of mine. Still to meander, wonder makes for good conversation with this page whoever it is. I like it, and I think it’s worth wasting my time.

Death for Her and for Me

2006-05-12T10:00:00.000-05:00

For you the sky opens so wide.
I fear it will swallow me whole.
If I were consumed by the sky
I would not expect you to follow.
still, maybe if you wrote, the words
would find their way to meet me.
Crawling even into the spaces I was kept in.

If I fail to miss you, or if I don't respond,
consider I might be out of reach.
No one cares when you say you'd rather
have it your way. Please, I apologize
for they are wrong, insignificant and sometimes
cross. It won't be told that way my friend. Your
words will be twisted. Mine too probably, just realize it now.

Give me a kiss, a kiss to recall
on dreary days when sleep provokes but has no cause.
You fall I find far too far behind. I pant to speak,
much less catch you. Like a commit burning up in this atmosphere,
I too will fizzle out. Singed by the skirt of the fire, merely morality.
Don't speak of it as if it is haunting or even frail.
I accomplish this and move on to the next scale.
What might be for to find me there?

Unlimited

2006-05-08T11:37:00.000-05:00

Back from Chicago. We got in at 4am so we are a bit popped. It was sorda sad leaving, Chicago. It's my favorite city and we enjoyed it immensely. We also have dear friends there, and its always hard to say good bye. You never know maybe we will someday end our journey in Chicago.

We were so busy with work, and just living in the city. My favorite part was seeing the Broadway show Wicked. It was breath taking and the Oriental theatre was equally as breath taking. Riding the train is fun too, however Im sure in the winter time I would be feeling much differently. :) Anyway we have a lot to catch up on today so I better be off. Good day to all.
"listen to the static"
Love till later,
LauraAnne

Chicago is lovely in the Spring Time.

2006-05-03T17:27:00.000-05:00

"Speak less, listen more."

Hey everyone!! We've been in Chicago working, busy busy with training but we are having fun being down town and are going to a show tomorrow night. Will elaborate later. Drank a coffee with my croissant walking around downtown while wearing big sunglasses. I've never been more Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast at Tiffany's. Have to run!! All is well.
Love till later,
LauraAnne

Im sorry Im not sure I follow

2006-04-25T10:58:00.000-05:00

What will i do when I pray for the will of the Lord? How will I react when the one thing Im crossing my fingers for behind my back is the one thing the Lord chooses to delay or worse not give at all? And why do I insist on viewing it that way? Do I really ever desire His will, when clearly I had my preference all along? I am a selfish child by nature. I find myself questioning my reasons for trusting the Lord. I mean when you trust and are obedient shouldn't the confusion cease? Why is it that sometimes when we trust, the outcome is the same as it would have been if we had never trusted at all? Mercy is bestowed to me through peace, and I know that Christ understands. If only I did. I can't help but feel like some pawn in a game. What bigger picture am I not seeing here? Yes, I know that Your ways are higher than mine Father. Please, bear with me as I ask the ever nagging question in my heart....Why? I am reminded of why I write my music. Most of the time I don't even know the meaning of what I write until much later. The meaning is revealed in a personal way and I see the prophetic nature of the words God jots through me. "These things must happen for some good reason or else what's your blood shed for?" and "What will I get for this? My constant brokenness? Will I ever be all right? Nothing it seems is very comforting so I go on deep inside. And Im alright." Fact faced, I have these longings and doubts. What else can I do but place them out into the void? I can't just swallow these things, this life, without wrestling with it first. Maybe that's what makes me stronger, or just human. Im not sure. "Shouldn't I already know all this?" She asks herself half smileing.

On to other things. I wanted to update everyone on the wonderful camping trip Jason took me on. We had the best time. We went caving and saw so many bats. Then we hiked a creek trail, and did about three other hikes. Of course building a fire, making smores and sleeping in a tent was the highlight to me. I really think that down to the letter everything went absolutely perfect. Like time just stood still and we were in our own little word. That is the beauty of nature. Also Saturday was my show and it went great. I was so overwhelmed at the turn out. Thank you everyone for coming!! I enjoyed just playing and being silly with my friends and family. I love a layed back night.

We are going to visit my love Dana on Friday in Baldwin City, near Kansas City. And, since my training date for work was moved up we will be leaving from there to head to Chicago till about the 6th or 7th. So we will be busy and enjoying a little time on the road again. And now, you know what is playing in my head, "On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again..." :) Well I better go finish this game of scrabble with J.
Love till later,
LauraAnne

In Concert

2006-04-22T01:19:00.000-05:00

Don't forget there's a show tonight at Shades Of Brown starting at 830 pm. Hope to see everyone there!

What It All Means

2006-04-17T23:46:00.000-05:00

My mind is running in a thousand directions. One of those nights you know? Where you sit outside and contimplate every thought and belief in your life. Question things for the sake of knowing you believe in them. I find it amazeing the God I know, the Christ I know, compared to the one I thought I knew two years ago, two days ago even. What conclusions do I draw from my evening?
"I will never be God. Period."
"We are all screwed up, just in our own unique and special way."
"Getting knocked off your high horse is good. Christ has more to work with then."
"You can never understand until you have walked a mile in someone elses shoes."(that's kinda a cliche, but still true)
"Goodness done with false motives is probably not goodness at all; you simply toil in vain."
"For me, swearing at just the right time, takes care of my religious problem."
Love till later,
LauraAnne

Reminder

2006-04-17T13:39:00.000-05:00

Another week has begun and I just wanted to give a friendly reminder to leave your schedule open on Saturday!! I will be playing at Shades of Brown starting at 8:30. Hope to see you there. Enjoy your week everyone!!
love till later,
LauraAnne

Spring has Sprung

2006-04-16T00:00:00.000-05:00

well we have been pretty busy since we got back to T-town. I started out with career day at my sisters school. And get this, I was the one with the career! I talked to the students about being a musician and such. It was a lot of fun and the kids were great. Well I shouldn't say kids, young adults. I got to stay and help Sarah with a few of her other classes and got to see her in action a bit. She is a great teacher. I may be bias, but I'm tellin ya!! We've been busy unpacking and catching up with work,bills,friends, and family. Speaking of my sister, we spent the best day just hanging out and being reminded of why God made us sisters. We really enjoyed Woodward park, the flowers were in bloom and everything just looked amazing. Along with great conversation we lost track of time and hardly wanted to leave the spring oasis. Wow, did I just say spring oasis? http://www.members.aol.com/sojarinn/

Friday was fun too. We had the first annual "Good Friday Fish Fry" ( I even wrote a little song for it) where the fam fried up some fish and hung out and basically were all together under one roof. P.S. I don't really like fish so I had a hamburger. Us all being together does not happen very often. Today J and I enjoyed the weather and planted some flowers. Tonight we loaded up Bunny and Maddie and went to Bark in the Park at the Drillers Stadium. They had soooooooo much fun and are currently knocked out on their night nights. We are confident that we will keep very busy until the Seattle market is ready to go. Next week Jason has promised to take me camping. This will be, I confess, my first time camping. While I'm on the subject of firsts, I made my first deviled eggs tonight!! Not only that but I dyed them pink and they are so festive.

I am very much looking forward to Rivendell tomorrow mooring. Seeing everyone and hearing an uplifting word will be medicine to my soul. Wow, did I just say medincine to my soul?

O and on the matter of my up coming show. It will be at Shades of Brown on Sat the 22nd at 8:30 pm. I hope that everyone is able to come. I have some new songs to try and I think you will like them!! Welp I am going to go talk to my husband and enjoy the weather on the back porch. We popped open a bottle of Champaign tonight. I love drinking Champaign for no particular reason. It makes regular days fun; said the alcoholic. HEHE!! :) Ok well good night all.
love till later,
LauraAnne

2006-04-13T00:01:00.000-05:00

Here we are at ARNO (Animal Rescue of New Orleans)

giving some attention to some rescued kitties.

another leg of the journey

2006-04-09T22:58:00.000-05:00

ahhh I've been feeling much better today. I guess I just had a bug of some sort. Anyway we are back in Tulsa today! We had a good drive and Jason and I are looking forward to the coming weeks. Catching up with everyone will be wonderful. Among other things, I have a show at Shades of Brown on the 22nd, a career day at my sisters school, camping and going to see my Dana in Kansas City. May 8th is the official day we have to be in Chicago for my training with Nielson. That will be preperation for the trip to Seattle begining after the 8th. Welp I am pretty tired but I just wanted to tell everyone we made it home safely. Our weekend shaped up nicely in New Orleans. We really enjoyed our last day at Animal Rescue New Orleans. After our food and water stations, we got to love on alot of cute kitties. We also ate at a really neat french cafe Jason found. A trip to some shops downtown capped off the afternoon. I will post some pictures later. I just am so thankful for the opportunity Jason and I have had to travel. I learn so much everyday and the world has opened up to me in a way I never imagined. Life is sweeter than it has ever been, even on those cloudy days. Christ has spoken to me so intimately these past weeks and has been showing both Jason and I so much. I plan to elaborate on unfolding prospects at a later time. The human condition and struggle, focused before the Lord, becomes a beautiful thing.
Love till later,
LauraAnne

What I Saw

2006-04-07T18:25:00.000-05:00

Went to the lower ninth ward this afternoon. This was the location where the levy broke. In fact I sat at the very spot where it did. The devastation is horrible. Where once so densely populated, there is close to nothing left. And, what is left is basically unsalvageable. Just being there for an hour drained me for all day.

I'm in a horrible mood. I really haven't been feeling well. I think there is something in the water. We're not supposed to be drinking it I heard. Maybe having some hot green tea will help me be less of an ass. I am so spoiled.

This song that was playing while we surveyed the worst damage here in New Orleans, is stuck in my head. I really couldn't even listen to it all, I turned it off. Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,And to take Him at His Word;Just to rest upon His promise, And to know,“Thus says the Lord!” Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him! How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’erJesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! O for grace to trust Him more! Sometimes I don't know how to connect with songs like this. In all honesty it's not always so "sweet" to trust in Jesus.

Sometimes its hard, and confusing, and irritateing. Yeah I really am spoiled. I'm a slave to my human emotions. I'm still learning. That's ok too. Its not like its going to shake God. "Big Surprise" He says smiling. Love till later, LauraAnne

"Yes, I believe in Jesus. I'm just not a door to door salesman."

2006-04-06T00:10:00.000-05:00

I came to make a quick post of a thought I was having. The thought: If we believe that we hold the truth and that that truth is prevailing; then why do we have to force it so and get offended so when others do not choose it? If this truth is all power than shouldn't we trust the truth to do the work instead of our own persuasion? As I pondered these things and was reading some words from a great man, Thomas Jefferson, I was pleasantly surprised to find him state this idea entirely more elequant than I.

"Shake off all the fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear." - Thomas Jefferson, letter to Peter Carr, Aug. 10, 1787

http://www.nichollsphotography.com/newsudan.htm

Love till later,

LauraAnne

what a wide world

2006-04-04T10:21:00.000-05:00

Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty windowLet the sun illuminate the words That you could not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your INHIBITIONS Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten" Unwritten- Natasha Bedingfield

"2 Am and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season.Yea we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites you're all here for the very same reason.Cause you can't jump the track We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table, No one can find the rewind button girl So just cradle your head in your hands. And breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe just breathe" -Breath (2am) Anna Nalick

These are some lyrics I have really been enjoying lately. If you have not heard these songs you should definitely give them a listen. I am just busy at work this morning. Jason had to drive out to Mississippi for surveying today. He already had a flat tire today too. These are some pictures from our afternoon excursion downtown New Orleans on Saturday. It was so pretty but really hot! 92 and muggy. We still had a great time. There were lots of vendors on the street selling their art and live musicians. One man was playing the accordion. It was really neat. Also while we were there the new Denzel Washington movie was being shot. You could walk up to the water and see the boats and helicopters and everything! It was very exciting. We did not say hello to Denzel. You know how it goes. You don't want to look as if you don't even know him. :) Well I must keep pluggin along on this work. Have a great day.
Love till later,
LauraAnne

about last night

2006-04-02T16:45:00.000-05:00

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious--the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." Philippians 4: 8-9

I am 21 years old for two more months and there are very few times I have acted my age. My father was diagnosed with leukemia when I was in the fifth grade. I can remember the very day and time when I grew up. Standing in a hospital room realizing the magnitude of my father's disease, I for the first time looked at the world from a perspective that did not include my selfish desires.

At the time I was being homeschooled due to severe difficulty with spelling and reading. I would later as an adult realize I have a moderate case of dislexia. I offered to go back to public school mid-year so my mom could care for my father and not have to worry about teaching me. Thus was born my need to save everyone. To become responsible for the well being of others as much as it was in my power to do so. I would exhaust myself with this for several years to come.

Last weekend I was 21 and had a great time at a salsa club enjoying a few drinks, dancing with my husband, and having a great talk with a friend. Last night I was really 21 and after having too many drinks spent most of the night and a good portion of the morning with my head in a toilet. The evening was going great and we were out with our friend Nick who, if you don't take the time to see his heart and how lovely it is, you would never know him and would be wrong in all your assumptions. Assumptions are a dangerous thing you know.

Nick has recently had his heart broken and last night was about having a good time with him and reassuring him that things are going to look up. After several drinks I began a conversation with a woman from Moscow. We were drinking the same drink, Vodka and cranberry juice so we felt a bond. We discussed our backgrounds. I mentioned my faith and Jesus, but in my inebriated state I can't remember much of what was said except I convinced myself I had been very brave. Im not sure why. Not long after I was chatting with Jason and decided I needed to find the bathroom. Once there I began to vomit....alot. What seemed like forever passed by; really about 20 minutes. I couldn't get myself up off the cold tile floor. I kept praying for Jason to come and find me. And he did. I knew all I had to do was listen for someone saying my name. As soon as I heard, "Is there a Laura in here?" I managed to mutter a yes and unlock the bathroom stall door. A dear woman who worked the bathrooms at the casino began to talk to me and figure out a way to get me out of the bathroom and to my husband. As much as I pleaded they would not let Jason into the women's room and so she stayed with me until I was ready to walk out to him. Another girl who had been sitting near us noticed Jason waiting outside the bathroom and asked if she could help. These two women watched me puke my guts out, carried me out of the stall, and then into another where they watched me puke some more. I remember I kept apologizing. "Im sorry" I would say. They held me tight and assured me it was ok. "We've all been her baby. It sneaks up on you."
"I've never done anything like this" I said.
"Don't you worry we are gonna get you to your husband and he will take good care of you."

The rest of the night went much like my time in the casino bathroom. Nick and Jason carried me to our hotel across the street and watched over me and nursed me while I vomited and eventually passed out. I later woke up and cried as I listened to music. Having a few drinks is good for an easy going time. Getting drunk is good for making you vomit and cry. I cried about my mother who died almost 2 years ago, I cried about the baby I miscarried on Christmas eve, and I just cried, because I had never really let it out. "I always have to be so strong" I said.

Nick and Jason were incredible. I couldn't ask for a better husband or a better friend. I write to tell you this for a reason I confess. I am me and can be no one else. For every choice I make and experience I have I grow and learn and know myself, friends, family and the Lord better. There is no use in hiding the truth. No use in pretending I am something Im not. Do I regret last night? May I be so bold as to say no? No I do not. True free life leaves no room for regrets. By the power of Jesus Christ I am a saint; today the same as yesterday and tomorrow and forever. Nothing can change that. Pretending that I am flawless and without questionable experience as you could call it, would be the sin. I am broken hearted though.

I am broken hearted over what I learned about myself and the tendencies of Christians. I mentioned Nick earlier. If some of you met our dear friend Nick, you might believe him to be a harsh crude kind of fellow. Never bothering to look deeper past the gruff exterior you would miss out on knowing a truly loyal, spiritual, loving individual that has so much to teach those who come into contact with him. What scares others so is that they might just have to get outside themselves and thier set ways to be able to know someone like Nick and appreciate him and learn from him and love him. Those people are not Jesus.

Another revelation cuts to the core of me. Last night those women who attended me and loved me and passed no judgment on me, they taught me. Normally it would have been all to easy to judge those women. One who works at a Casino--God forbid--and the other who was drinking and gambling. These are the utter outcasts of "Christian society". I mean we know those who know God right? Their lives display so much goodness and they do so many good things and abstain from all evil.

In the same respect we can easily point out those who need the Lord. The godless gambler and the alcoholic, or even casual drinker. We do not agree with these people. Our "job" is to convict them and bring them into the light of God. Well I am one of these outcast then, the least of these. And I have been loved and touched by these "lost" as they are called. After all, we have been given all power to determine the world's salvation right? Let me never be one of these thinkers; one of these judgers. Let me love and live to be set apart but not above. Let me experience, and try and triumph, and trip and get back up again. Let me hold the head of someone throwing up and wipe the spit off of their mouth. That is Jesus. I am me and I can be no one else.

Love till later,
LauraAnne

remember

2006-03-29T15:49:00.000-06:00

well i have officially moved over to the new blog site. im also still at http://journals.aol.com/lauraannemusic/LauraAnne
you can catch up on my past archives when you visit this site.

Here is my post and a picture of Jason and I two years ago on our wedding day!

My mom and I used to watch Little House on the Prairie together all the time. We would laugh and sometimes make fun of it. Im sitting here working and its on now. I can't help but remember my mother, and wonder if she might be watching with me in a way. I know that sounds terribly dillusional. Maybe not though.
Monday was mine and Jason's anniversary we went to a lovely Italian French restaurant called Irene's and then to Cafe Du Monde where we had coffee and French beignets. Walking around downtown was very romantic and we had fun with build a bear at the mall. We made a bunny rabbit with a Mardi Gras outfit on! Its a good souvenir of our stay in New Orleans and our 2 year anniversary. Ok Ok I need to get back to work. It seems I have been so busy lately I've not written as much as I would have liked to. I will try harder.
Love till later,
LauraAnne